A
recent Facebook posting by a young mother living in Colchester, Essex, England
caught my attention. She
wrote that her son’s middle school had banned the word gay and all its possible
uses. Anyone heard saying
the word would be expelled. She further posted that her son had stated that the
word meant stupid among his peers and was not a homophobic slur. This mother,
concerned by the limitations put on her son’s freedom of speech, inquired what
other parents thought of the situation.
The
vast majority of those I interviewed felt the world had gone the way of
reacting rather than acting. Many had stories which reflected my own childhood.
Being of Italian descent, my mother often spoke of how, as a very young girl,
she would battle anyone who called her a guinea or a wop. A close friend, born
and raised in Cuba said, “I’ve learned to close my ears. Otherwise, anger takes
over.”
So,
what’s the solution? When I asked how people handled the use of demeaning language
in their own families, most said they followed their parent’s examples. Each
time a derogatory name was heard, they used it as an opportunity to discuss the
meaning, use and intention of the word.
As
to the Facebook post… something kept drawing me back. Soon another person
posted a comment. So impressed was I by the intellect and honesty of the poster
that I wrote to him and asked if I could use his name and words in this column.
He gladly gave his permission.
Michael
Franklin is a school teacher in the Crowley Independent School District in
Texas. He is also gay. He
has very strong feelings about using the word gay in an inflammatory and
insulting manner. This is what
he said by way of introduction:
“I'm
36 years old, and I've been around straight people all of my life. I've never
heard anyone say,
"Oh, I feel so gay today" when they really meant happy. Homosexuals
never decided to label
themselves as gay, and it's very impractical to think that straight people are
suddenly going to
start using the word gay to replace the word happy.”
Michael’s words are eye openers. We
corresponded throughout the day.
“As
a gay adult, I find ‘That’s so gay!’ to be offensive. Our society would never
have accepted ‘That's
so black’ or ‘That's so Mexican’ in lieu of saying ‘That's so stupid.’ The sad
thing is that these
words are said around gay students who are in the closet, which makes them even
more afraid
to be honest about their sexual identity.
Gay
is often used as an insult towards both homosexual and heterosexual males. The
reaction, when directed to a gay person, is
much different than that of a straight male. When a closeted gay person hears
it, it causes him to fear that his peers will find out the truth. The use of
derogatory terms places a lot of stress on gay teens. The suicide rate for gay
youths is far greater than that of any other group of teens.”
Re-reading
Michael’s words made it painfully obvious how easily and unknowingly society
falls into a pattern
of abuse. Neither repetition nor denial of meaning can turn a wrong into a
right. One of my communiqués with Michael included a thank you note for my interest
in this topic. He wrote:
“You
made my night! I feel strongly that we must educate people to how hurtful
language can be,especially when it becomes a part
of everyday speech. Hurtful words diminish the self-esteem and confidence that
we have in ourselves, especially when they are closely related to aspects of
our lives over which we have no control.”
“… over which we have no control.” Those six
words are, perhaps, the most important of all Michael wrote.
As for thanks, it is I who needs to thank him. Through our exchange I learned
that there are still many
truths left to be discovered. I also made a friend.
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