BANNING BOSSY... Encourage girls to be true to themselves

Webster’s Dictionary defines “bossy” as “fond of ordering people around.” Other definitions include masterful, self-assertive, self-assured, confident, strong and possessing leadership qualities. So far, I don’t find any problem with the word itself. However, the application of the word is gender specific. Women “order people around.” Men are “confident, strong and possess leadership qualities.” Far too often, the term “bossy” is associated with the other “B” word… the one that only applies to women. I fail to see a problem.

There are some people who fear that defining young girls as bossy is detrimental to their emotional growth and ability to achieve success in life. Sheryl Sandberg, the CEO of Facebook, is one of them. A few weeks ago, the media was abuzz with her efforts to ban the word from our lexicon – efforts which could be considered the epitome of bossiness.

Sandberg sits at the head of a Fortune 500 company worth $67.8 billion dollars. She didn’t get there by being meek, unassuming, docile, tractable, indecisive, compliant, passive, submissive and/or yielding.

Those words are all acceptable antonyms for bossy and no one – not man or woman – possessing those qualities makes it up the ladder of success. Bossy gets women through the glass ceiling and into the board room. The trick to being really successful is the ability to hide one’s bossiness behind a public face that appears non-threatening. Behind closed doors… the mask has to fall away or leadership will be ineffective. Hiring a great public relations/marketing firm doesn’t hurt either. Backed into a wall, I’m sure Ms. Sandberg would agree.

Truthfully, if banning continues to rear its ugly head, I fear that soon the only way we will be able to communicate is with our hands. Even for those who do not know sign language, the use of hand gestures can be very effective. A wave can signify hello or goodbye. What is commonly called our index or pointer finger can be used to give directions. Moving one’s hand back and forth very quickly indicates pain or trouble. Extending the middle finger of either hand straight up while making a fist with the remaining fingers expresses… well, we all know what that gesture means. And, since we know what it means, I fear that the word police will not be happy merely to ban the use of that singular digit. They will probably want to cut it off because extreme reactions have, of late, replaced intelligent actions.

Banning words is never as effective as changing the way those words are perceived. Sandberg’s efforts, with the help of parents worldwide, would reap better rewards if we taught young girls to embrace their bossiness. She would also do well to choose better role models for her campaign. Celebrities – actors and singers, in particular – are the most ego driven people and none of them achieved stardom without, at least, a modicum of bossiness in their personalities.

We must encourage our daughters to stand up for themselves and their opinions without demeaning those who disagree with them. There is a difference between being bossy and being mean. We need to teach young women to respond to negative comments by saying, “Thank you. I do feel strongly about this issue. I appreciate that you recognize my dedication and determination.” In the end, we are each charged with discovering who we want to be and going after that goal. That requires strength of will.

My mother used to say “Every knock is a boost.” She taught me to be aware of who is defaming me rather than why they profess to be defaming me. The reasons are usually jealousy and/or envy… powerful fuels which propel naysayers to spout off. Words in and of themselves are not important. How we react to those words is important and is often dependent on how we see ourselves. Timid people flinch in the face of adversity. Confident people are rarely threatened by the assertiveness of others. More often than not, they admire those who jump the hurdles in their path. 

Personally, I wish kids had called me bossy when I was growing up. Maybe then, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to recognize my strengths. Instead of banning a word, why not re-educate girls to its true meaning? By changing perception, our daughters will not only penetrate the glass ceiling; they will be able to reach for the sky. 

No one has ever achieved success by letting the negative commentary of others influence their decisions, including Sheryl Sandberg. I’ll bet that somewhere in her office at Facebook there is a sign that reads, “Bossy” with the “y” crossed out. It’s good to be the king… uh, queen.