Rape Awareness: Ten words say it all
A recent episode of Blue Bloods entitled “Power of the Press” focused its B story line
(subplot) on the prevalence of date rape cases on college campuses and the
reluctance of universities to pursue perpetrators in a court of law. Although
the scenario depicted was typical of most scripts written with the intent of
shining a light on sexual assault, there was one line of dialogue which echoed
something I have been preaching for seven years and which most advocates do not
stress often enough in their efforts to eliminate this horrific crime.
Successful in her efforts to arrest the fictional
Hudson University’s Dean of Students for withholding evidence in a date rape
case, Assistant District Attorney Erin Reagan (Bridget Moynahan) discusses the
dangers of excessive drinking with her daughter, Nicky (Sami Gayle), a
soon-to-be college freshman. More
specifically, this wise mom explains the need to be vigilant in choosing
friends in an atmosphere of new freedom giddiness and release from parental
supervision. Momma Reagan advises her daughter to never relinquish control of
herself to a bottle or a person unknown.
Teenage daughter Nicky rolls her eyes and assures
her mother, “I know.” Mom’s face tells a different story but it’s her words – ten
simple but powerful words – that bring the message home: “The only one who can
keep you safe is you.”
While it is true that
women can go where they want, behave as they want and wear what they want, it
is also true that they should not do so without considering the possible
outcome. Drinking to oblivion is an invitation to assault. How many more young
women need to suffer the horrible consequences of this fact before we start
speaking the truth?
Rape is wrong no matter
the circumstances. The victim is never responsible for the attack. Women should
have the same freedoms as men, but we don’t. It’s time to face reality. We are
not equal to men when it comes to protecting ourselves. We are vulnerable.
Responsibility is not gender-specific. Women are not excused from acting
sensibly. In fact, by virtue of their smaller, weaker stature, women of
every age must be hyper-vigilant. If we are to remain
safe, we must both respect and protect ourselves.
Before your daughters head off to college… before you head out for an evening on the town during the coming holiday season, consider heeding one very savvy script writers words. No one and nothing can protect you from danger as well as you can do it yourself. Safety cannot be legislated. Rapists don’t care about your constitutional rights. Mottos and slogans won’t save your life. Awareness will. Think first. Act second.
"I discovered the feelnoshame.org website earlier today. I read a few of Donna Carbone’s op-eds and, I must say, I found them uplifting. Your resources deal with a horrible problem without resorting to the fear mongering and hysteria all too commonly associated with sexual assault awareness. Thank you for actually caring about victims instead of using them as props in an effort to advance a pet invective. Thank you for choosing the much more difficult task of addressing underlying causes over the cheap sense of empowerment that comes with vilifying masculinity. Young women who choose to seek an education should not have to be potentially subjected to assault on campus and young men who choose to seek an education should not have to attend college campuses on which they are reduced to no more than their gender, and then are vilified and attacked for it.
ReplyDeleteSexual violence is a terrible problem. We stand no real chance of addressing it in a meaningful way if we aren’t intellectually honest with each other. Thank you for choosing hope, caring and understanding over fear, blame and recriminations. Please keep it up. I wish there were more resources on the internet like this almost as much as I wish they weren’t needed."
Thank You,
Robert James Douglas
My sincere thanks to Robert for allowing me to post his letter on our website. Speaking the truth about sexual assault has been an uphill battle. I’m often frustrated and more often infuriated by the number of people – women, in particular – who prefer to stick their fingers in their ears than listen and heed the truth about personal responsibility.
ReplyDelete~Donna~