Sticks and stone may break my bones... but words are much more painful!
On May third the Facebook page of a young mother
living in Colchester, Essex, England caught my attention. She wrote that her
son’s school had banned the word gay and all its possible uses. Anyone heard
saying the word would be expelled. She further posted that her son had stated that
the word had come to mean stupid among his peers and was not intended as a
homophobic slur. This mother, obviously concerned by the limitations put on her
son’s freedom of speech, asked what other parents thought of the situation.
My response to her was that I felt the world had
gone the way of reacting rather than acting. Being of Italian descent, I am
only too familiar with the demeaning names people use to designate those they
feel are inferior to them. My mother often told stories of how, as a very young
girl, she would get into physical altercations with anyone who called her a
guinea or a wop. I come by my feisty spirit genetically.
There are many words which can be viewed as slurs.
You can’t ban the entire English language. When raising my son and daughter, I
did as my mother did before me. Each time a derogatory name was flung their
way, I used it as an opportunity to discuss the meaning, use and intention of
the word.
As to the Facebook post, after writing my comments I
went about my business thinking there was nothing more to be learned. Something,
however, kept drawing me back. Soon another person posted a comment, and this
one really opened my eyes. So impressed was I by the intellect and honesty of
the poster that I wrote to him and asked if I could use his name and words in
this column. He gladly gave his permission.
Michael Franklin is a school teacher in the Crowley
Independent School District in Texas. He is also gay. He has very strong
feelings about using the word gay in an inflammatory and insulting manner. This
is what he said by way of introduction:
“I'm 36 years old, and I've been around straight
people all of my life. I've never heard anyone say, "Oh, I feel so gay
today" when they really meant happy. The word gay has been used to
negatively label homosexuals for many years. Trying to alter its meaning, gay
people began using the word in a positive way. Homosexuals never decided to
label themselves as gay, and it's very impractical to think that straight
people are suddenly going to start using the word gay to replace the word
happy.”
Are you familiar with the expression that appears
on someone’s face when awareness sets in? Well, that was me. Michael and I
corresponded throughout the day. His words say more than I ever could.
“As a gay adult, I've been offended by the
phrase (That’s so gay!) and am unsure where it started or why it is tolerated.
Our society would never have accepted "That's so black," or
"That's so Mexican," in lieu of saying "That's so stupid."
The sad thing is that these words are said around gay students who are in the
closet, which makes them even more afraid to be honest about their sexual
identity.
Gay is often used as an insult towards both homosexual
and heterosexual males. The reaction when directed to a gay person is much
different than that of a straight male. When a closeted gay person hears it, it
causes him to fear that his peers will find out the truth. The use of
derogatory terms places a lot of stress on gay teens. The suicide rate for gay youths
is far greater than that of any other group of teens.”
Michael’s words
really made me think. I quickly realized how easily and unknowingly society
falls into a pattern of abuse. Neither repetition nor denial of meaning can
turn a wrong into a right.
One of my
communiqués with Michael included a thank you note for my interest in this
topic. He wrote, “You made my night! I feel strongly that we must educate
people to how hurtful language can be, especially when it becomes a part of
everyday speech. Hurtful words diminish the self-esteem and confidence that we
have in ourselves, especially when they are closely related to aspects of our
lives over which we have no control.”
It is I who needs
to thank Michael and I am doing so publicly with this column. I always
considered myself an informed person, but through this exchange I learned that
there are still many lessons left to be discovered. I also made a friend. How
nice!
http://www.examiner.com/article/that-s-so-gay-is-oh-so-hurtful
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